They were sitting in the dimly lit room. He was on the couch, laptop on his legs and a beer in hand. She was perched on the chair, over in the corner near the window, peering out discreetly to watch the birds play in the half dead branches.
He was playing video games and getting drunk on cheap light beer.
She was dying and had nowhere else to go.
He didn't know; thought she was there because of his incredibly charm and wit. Not to mention how attractive he was, what with his sunken eyes, jelly thighs and weak chin.
She considered telling him, but thought aloud instead, hoping for some compassion without releasing information.
"I wonder what the last thing I'll think before I die will be."
He narrowed his eyes, didn't even look at her.
"What kind of bullshit question is that?"
She looked at the floor.
"I don't know, just something I was wondering. What do you think?"
He shook his head, then winced as someone shot his character, but grinned as he brutally assaulted them in retaliation.
"Something fucking dumb. Besides, shit don't matter. You'll be dead."
She raised her eyes to look at him, blinking slowly.
"What do you mean?"
He rolled his eyes in annoyance and hit the keys harder than necessary before turning to stare at her.
"Dead. You'll be dead. Don't matter what you thought ever when you's dead. You won't be thinking again. Them maggots will be thinking for you as they eat what's left of that fine ass o' yours."
She sighed quietly.
"Yeah, you're right. You done soon?"
His eyes were glued to the screen again, as if he forgot they were even speaking, and he said the same thing he'd said to his mother thousands of times.
"Yeah...just a few more minutes."
Getting up, she stood on her toes and stretched. The thin tshirt she was wearing lifted up just enough to reveal she wasn't wearing any sort of underthings.
"Well, I'm headed off to bed. Come get me when you're done."
He was still glued to the screen.
"Sure thing."
Comments
414 days ago
He didn't know; thought she was there because of his incredibly charm and wit. Not to mention how attractive he was, what with his sunken eyes, jelly thighs and weak chin.
She considered telling him, but thought aloud instead, hoping for some compassion without releasing information.
He didn't know what? Is the narrator attempting to be sarcastic with the next few lines. Additionally, she considering telling him what? There is no reference to either what the guy didn't know or what she did. It feels as if a line or two were skipped in the beginning to set this up.
* On second read these questions clear up. I guess it is my poor reading skills, but for some reason I found these lines awkward.
I do like the parallel exploration of death between the tangible one and the fantasy one - the death in the game. It seems to convey the reality of the man's inability to relate to death other than an nihilistic event with little meaning - like one experienced in a game where one can just reset.
There isn't much of a story here yet, more a mood, but it's a good sketch.
414 days ago
I specialize in describing the small moments in life. I say a lot with a little, and it is often difficult to do for most.
As far as I've noted, I'm finished with it with exception of small details that I might change.