I recently tried to grow a goatee. The ignorant female might laugh at this statement and say "how can you try and grow a goatee - what effort is needed in this quest?"
One might even argue, "hang on, it takes a lack of effort to grow facial hair."
But, I will argue, that this is in fact false. The effort in growing a goatee or any facial hair does not transpire in the physical lengthening of the hair, but in the effort required to sustain the determination and self-confidence to not shave while facing an onslaught of judging looks or comments from your friends, family or even strangers. In my experience especially, one does not simply wake up one day with a full goatee. Such facial decoration takes time to establish itself and flourish.
I think that it is commonly believed that facial hair is instantaneous. In reality, however, there is a period of time - what I will henceforth refer to as the "shabby period" - where the grower looks dirty and unkempt. It is during this period where the effort in growing facial hair lies.
The reason my quest to grow a goatee has failed, is because my bridge of self-confidence was weakened when truss after truss was removed from repeated jabs (masked as genuine queries) asking - "Hey why is that patch on the tip of your chin so smooth and bare?"
This bare patch, in partnership with the public attention it drew was the major factor in the death of my recent goatee aspirations. This lack of growth meant that my "goatee" consisted of two section. Ice-burgs floating on either side of my chin, divided by a cold channel - a climate so cold in fact, that nothing could grow there. And so, I was left with a semi-goatee, or as I tried to pass it off as a "valley goatee."
Valley for two reasons:
The first, because of the bare patch was like a desert valley, bound between the fertile fields on either side of my chin. The second, because, ironically, my last name is Valli (the Italian equivalent of valley, but also it seems, a noun identifying a rare type of fool who would try and grow a goatee when his hair does not grow on his chin).
I figured, if I came up with a cool name for my facial hair, I might pass it off as the latest trend in facial hair design (as though the shape were deliberate) thereby making my facial hair more socially acceptable.
Needless to say, this scheme failed and I am left facial hair-less today as a result.
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466 days ago
466 days ago
466 days ago