THE KATZENJAMMER
"I have no spine; that's okay because I have an exoskeleton and big red claws." I spoke to the air around me and in front of the king who was seated across from me at the big table covered in perforated printer paper.
"You have two minutes remaining, and the x distance fluctuates between which two numbers?" asked the King.
" Colors," I say, "are quite a luxury." To which he replied:
"Yes. The axis of revolt to half the representation of the cross-section of infinity can intrigue."
"But it is extrigue, I know, that makes passioneight mollycoddlers on cementiment," I explained.
"And what," the King replied, "makes passionten between two sweethearts?"
Hilarity filled the veiny meat surrounding my core! Furthermore:
"To achieve that ecstatic metricity it is most importent to mainten eye conact."
The King grimaced and out of his pocket, he drew a pen; then drew a dish, and one appeared. I spoke once more to elaborate on metricity.
"Do you recal the bacchants and the oysters?"
The King, surprised, asked, "They achieved perfect metricity, you say?"
"Contrary, Contrary, Contrary!" I guffawed. "Only unhinged luxuria yielded when the bacchants spent their twilights sucking off the oysters for their pearls with complete disregard for the coming
and going of the meat inside."
His eyebrow cocked. "achieve perfect fourlust sucking off mollusks four pearls; you, have you?"
Somewhat reddened I insisted, "my regard for abalone roots from jealtensy of septipi and their gorgeous cartilage structure. I prefer passionten to the threelust or fourcoming."
"But passioneight or ten is less fulfilling than the power and prestige of achieving consistant pearls, no?"
I considered his point. Certainly it was not very sharp, but it could draw blood. The subject of worthwhile passion rated out of ten versus the much easier lustcoming rated in the lower metrics. "Vos habitudes ruinent les bouches et empoissonent les âmes. I, myself, have none to start."
"Power is what made me the ruler. Pearls produce power. Perpetual, purposeful."
"Presumptuous!" I drew a metric ruler and one appeared. "Here is another ruler, do you care to war it?"
The king, with attitude, remarked, "Not here! My power holds too dear to fight over. I banish thee!" and he drew a bib and one appeared.
I felt like I was winning. "Nay, dare say you LOVE it? The power?"
"Oh, I cannot do that word, it is an inside doors humor."
I pointed below the table at a glorious and majestic meadow. "Look at how the dinde à main love their field and each one another. I count eighteen and at least twelve mollycoddle perfmetrically."
"You painfully search for what you want to believe. No such heart thermos exists. To big your cardiovascular muscle has grown." He drew a nutcracker and fork and they both appeared. "I insist that a touch a day keeps downs away…"
A siren sounded inside my mind, with a flashing green light, signaling a correct statement. How could he be right? Tactual sensation replacing the oh so important metricity of passion? To scale nothing at all out of ten? Just one, two, or threecome on the cementiment, but without the sentiment? The king drew a pot of boiling water, and it appeared.
The king smiled as he saw his success in my now dejected eyes. "Let me see that heart of yours, I'll inspect for the katzenjammer of asomaethesia."
So from my chest I rummaged for my heart, produced it, and leaned over the table to hand it to the king. Without hesitation, he struck my heart with the tiny fork he summoned, making me bleed and white out.
I awoke in some seedey bed. I rolled from side to side as if I were in pain. I yelled, "I have a spine, don't be shy, I have a spine, don't be shy, I have a spine, don't be shy…" Sure enough, I did have a spine. Then I blacked out.
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450 days ago
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